Lonesome Squirrel

by Steven Fishman

Appendix: A Squirrel's View of the Eight Dynamics, the Ethics Conditions and the Bridge to Total Freedom


A Dynamic is an urge, drive, or impulse toward existence.

1st Dynamic: One's self. This includes all of your possessions, such as your body, your house, your car, and your collection of Scientology books and tapes.

2nd Dynamic: Your sex partner, which includes your wife, your girlfriend, your mistress, your lover, your favorite prostitute, and whoever you find on the street when no one else is available. More broadly, the second dynamic is also your family, and includes children, both legitimate and illegitimate. By the way, if you are a woman, the second dynamic would include your husband, your master, your keeper, or any of your customers. Homosexual relationships are included in this too, if that's your thing.

3rd Dynamic: Your group; for practical purposes, the Church of Scientology, or any Scientology Org or Mission. Squirrel groups or psychiatric associations need not apply.

4th Dynamic: Mankind as a whole. All of the men, women and children on this planet, although between you and I, Suppressive Persons and Potential Trouble Sources are not really included.

5th Dynamic: The Plant and Animal Kingdom. If you have to include bugs, that's okay, but I don't think mosquitoes or red ants should be allowed in this category.

6th Dynamic: The Physical Universe. This comprises all Matter, Energy, Space and Time, or MEST (which takes the first letter of each word). As of this writing, the Physical Universe is still all MEST up.

7th Dynamic: The Spiritual or Theta Universe. All thetans currently not trapped in a body are included here. This includes all souls, ghosts, goblins and Body Thetans, except those that used to practice psychiatry.

8th Dynamic: God, Infinity, the Supreme Being, the Creator, Cause, Source, the Admiral, or L. Ron Hubbard. They are all the same thing.

9th Dynamic: Ha! I bet you didn't know this one even existed! Well, it's Aesthetics, according to Philadelphia Doctorate Course Lecture 2 of 1 December 1952, by L. Ron Hubbard, entitled "E- Meter: Demo", tape recording 5212C01. Aesthetics is "The study of ideal form and beauty -- it is the philosophy of art, which itself is the quality of communication" -- Dianetics and Scientology Technical Dictionary, by L. Ron Hubbard, Bridge Publications, Inc., Los Angeles, 1987, page 11, Definition of Aesthetics.

10th Dynamic: One big surprise deserves another. According to Ron, "The Tenth Dynamic would probably be Ethics, if you were going to go way on out beyond this universe." -- Philadelphia Doctorate Course Lecture 2 of 1 December 1952, by L. Ron Hubbard, entitled "E-Meter Demo", tape recording 5212C01.

The Ethics Conditions


Your statistics are like a good erection: everything is pointing up.


This is when you start to feel loved, productive and important.

Normal Operation

This ain't no straight line -- your stats must show a gradual increase.


Everything is in a decline, including your sanity.


By this time you'll be stuffing envelopes and kissing everyone's ass.


You'll be treated as if you aren't really all there.


Get your pail and mop -- you'll be cleaning toilets. Don't forget to put that dirty grey rag in your back pocket.


By this time they won't even want to know you any more.


Take out some good life insurance.


Learn how to enjoy the feeling of cigarettes burning on your flesh.


Get ready to spend your immortality stuck in a space rock.

The Tone Scale

Tone 40 Serenity of Beingness

Tone 30 Postulates

Tone 22 Games

Tone 20 Action

Tone 8 Exhilaration

Tone 6 Aesthetic

Tone 4 Enthusiasm

Tone 3.5 Cheerfulness

Tone 3.3 Strong Interest

Tone 3.0 Conservatism

Tone 2.9 Mild Interest

Tone 2.8 Contented

Tone 2.6 Disinterested

Tone 2.5 Boredom

Tone 2.4 Monotony

Tone 2 Antagonism

Tone 1.9 Hostility

Tone 1.8 Pain

Tone 1.5 Anger

Tone 1.4 Hate

Tone 1.3 Resentment

Tone 1.2 No Sympathy

Tone 1.15 Unexpressed Resentment

Tone 1.1 Covert Hostility

Tone 1.02 Anxiety

Tone 1 Fear

Tone .98 Despair

Tone .96 Terror

Tone .94 Numb

Tone .9 Sympathy

Tone .8 Propitiation

Tone .5 Grief

Tone .375 Making Amends

Tone .3 Undeserving

Tone .2 Self-Abasement

Tone .1 Victim

Tone .07 Hopeless

Tone .05 Apathy

Tone .03 Useless

Tone .01 Dying

Tone 0 Body Death

Tone -0.01 Failure

Tone -0.1 Pity

Tone -0.2 Shame (Being Other Bodies)

Tone -0.7 Accountable

Tone -1 Blame (Punishing Other Bodies)

Tone -1.3 Regret

Tone -1.5 Controlling Bodies

Tone -2.2 Protecting Bodies

Tone -3 Owning Bodies

Tone -3.5 Approval From Bodies

Tone -4 Needing Bodies

Tone -5 Worshipping Bodies

Tone -6 Sacrifice

Tone -8 Hiding

Tone -10 Being An Object

Tone -20 Being Nothing

Tone -30 Can't Hide

Tone -40 Total Failure

The Bridge

OT Fifteen

Who Knows? It's Confidential and it hasn't been released yet. Please share this one with me.

OT Fourteen

Beats me! It's also Confidential and unreleased.

OT Thirteen

Still in the dark. Confidential and unreleased.

OT Twelve "Future"

This is actually the Time Pilot Rundown, demonstrating that time is not chronological and that there is no guarantee when you will come back to the physical universe after death.

OT Eleven "Operating"

Confidential (probably thetan surgery performed by the Medical Liaison Officer of Marcab).

OT Ten "Character"

Confidential (there are a lot of "characters" running the International Management of Scientology, so this level might have some vital data on the sex life of Commander Norman "Right Arm" Starkey. If so, it should be a very dull level).

OT Nine "Orders Of Magnitude"

Confidential, but will be released when 750 Class IV Orgs reach the size of Old Saint Hill. Can we do it by this Thursday at 2PM?

OT Eight "Truth Revealed"

Ability to be at cause knowingly and at will over thought, life, form, matter energy, space and time, subjective and objective. Also called the "Third Wall of Fire", so dress cool. But what is the real End Phenomenon of "Truth Revealed?" -- That L. Ron Hubbard is Source (you knew that already), but what you didn't know and you are about to find out is that Ron (Source) is also the Eighth Dynamic (God, the Supreme Being) and that he made you (what you are today!) He made all of the other thetans too! But don't blame the physical universe on Ron -- he created us as thetans, and we collectively made this messed up MEST universe which we live in. See, it's our fault after all, so don't you dare blame Ron!

OT Seven Solo NOTs Completion

No more Body Thetans bugging you and attached to your body. However, there is no guarantee that they will not come back to haunt you later, if the registrar's stats are down.

OT Six Hubbard Solo NOTs Auditing Course

NOTs means New Era Dianetics for Operating Thetans. Here you gain the ability to audit out your Body Thetans by yourself, as a solo auditor. Might take forever.

OT Five "The Second Wall Of Fire"

Bring your own fire extinguisher since the Org doesn't supply you with one.

OT Four OT Drug Rundown

Audits out the effects of every drug, medicine or swig of booze that you ever had during the last seventy-six trillion years. This is obviously the longest cold turkey you'll ever have.

OT Three "The Wall Of Fire"

Takes you back in time to when you were trapped by the Emperor Xenu, sandwiched into neat little clusters, shipped by interplanetary air-freight to Earth, and dropped into a volcano and then exploded into smithereens with hydrogen bombs. It might give you a headache, but it will be well worth it if you like the action of whips and snapping cherubs.

OT Two

Unfolding the time track and taking a good look at it. A fine way to live in the past.

OT One "A very beautiful and very stable State"

-- probably a lot like Kansas.

OT Eligibility

Eliminates barriers to moving up the Bridge, and cleans up your case. Great for removing thetan dust. You have to do this before you get "invited" to do the higher OT levels.

Solo Auditor Two

Ability to audit yourself. After you finish this course, you are awarded your own Golden Wings pin, which is not available anywhere else, including from Eastern Airlines.

OT Preps

A tailor-made program to set you up for the OT Levels. As far as set-ups go, this one will make any sting feel like an ordinary bee bite.

Solo Auditor One

Knowledge of the mind and auditing theory, and expertness at E-Meter drills. E-Meter drills are easier to do then fire drills (even Wall Of Fire Drills), and they are a lot less painful then dental drills.

Sunshine Rundown

Orients the Clear into present time, and helps him use his new abilities gained. Leave your umbrella at home. After all, the Sun never Sets on Scientology.


A being who no longer has his own reactive mind. (He may have somebody else's, though, if he is out of valence, which is the Scientology word for schizophrenic). A Clear can move out of his body and exteriorize, and if he had any sense at all he wouldn't come back.


New Era Dianetics, which creates a well and happy human being. Includes the NED Drug Rundown, the Relief Rundown, Disability Rundown and Identity Rundown. If you start to feel run down, don't worry about it, because your auditor won't worry about it either.

Grade Four

Moving out of Fixed Conditions and Gaining Abilities to do new things. Also called the Ability Release, Grade Four audits out Service Facsimiles, which make people wrong. On the other hand, a good course in sex education will teach you how to make people right.

Grade Three

Freedom from the upsets of the past and ability to face the future. Great for waking up in the morning after you've stayed up booming the stats all night. Also called the Freedom Release, it audits out ARC Breaks, which upset people.

Grade Two

Relief from the hostilities and sufferings of life. It works better than a speeding bullet most of the time. Also called the Relief Release, it audits out Overts and Withholds. I've got plenty of those.

Grade One

Recognize the source of problems and make them vanish. Sometimes a good flush of the toilet will do the very same thing, but not always. Also called the Problems Release, it audits out all of your problems. Well, almost all of them, unless you can't afford to pay for the auditing.

Grade Zero

Communicate freely with anyone on any subject. Don't kid yourself. You never learn how to flatter a psychiatrist. Also called the Communications Release, you wind up talking a lot easier to people, unless your mouth is full of horseradish, tabasco sauce and hot chili peppers and you ARC Break them.

ARC Straightwire

You know that you won't get any worse. Great for someone on Death Row. Also called the Recall Release, you learn how to contact the time track by stringing yourself along like wire. Just don't hang yourself up on any old mental image pictures, because you might choke to death.


In present time and able to control and put order into the environment. Adolf Hitler tried it and failed. In the objective processes, you learn how to walk around the room and touch walls and ashtrays. Every mental institution should deliver this course, because a lot of people there are unable to do these things. If you can do them by yourself for free, consider yourself lucky.

Purification Rundown

Freedom from the restimulative effects of drug residuals and other toxins. This is good if you're hooked on crack. I never was, so I didn't have to do it. You sit in the sauna about five hours a day for a month, run around the block for another hour, and get gassed up on Niacin and other vitamins which will make you fart like hell.

The Key to Life Course

followed by the

Hubbard Life Orientation Course

A nice way to get you to spend six grand before you start to go up the Bridge. Included are fourteen books with a bunch of cute cartoons in them. Just released in 1990, so it's absolutely necessary. Rush right down to your local Org and sign up today.